The four men - all consultants -who answered that important question spoke about:
- George Eliot's magnificent novel Adam Bede
- 'Kept in the Dark", a deep, critical work of Anthony Trollope
- two contemporary self-help books on marriage
- "The Surrey with the Fringe on Top", from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma!
Throughout, they spoke about what they've learned about their own lives studying Aesthetic Realism, how they've changed in ways they were always hoping for; and about what men are learning in consultations. They were self-critical, passionate about justice to women - including their own wives - and very funny. They made egotism (see below) look cruel, ridiculous, stupid, and weak. They also showed that real good will, which they defined (from my notes) as "the oneness of kindness and criticism in a person's mind," is what we most want to have in order to like the world honestly. They showed how Aesthetic Realism's principles are true about their own lives, about characters in literature, and about all humanity. I'm very grateful for and stirred by what I learned from them and it's already made me a kinder husband and man.
Here is a definition of egotism that came up when I did a Google search:
e·go·tism/ˈēɡəˌtizəm/The reason I'm writing about this is that though the seminar was about how men need to think about women, I felt it was a guide as to how people need to see people, as such, and that takes in ethnicity.
noun- the practice of talking and thinking about oneself excessively because of an undue sense of self-importance.
"in his arrogance and egotism, he underestimated Jill"
A major criticism women have of men is that we don't want to know them. That's particularly true of husbands as to our wives. But it's cruel to one's spouse, and it inevitably has a man feel ashamed, because our deepest desire is to like and be fair to the world. According to Aesthetic Realism, a person gets a cheap victory from seeing other people as two-dimensional and oneself as deep, sensitive, intelligent, ethical. The definition of egotism above is close to how Aesthetic Realism sees contempt, the "disposition in every person to think he will be for himself by making less of the outside world." Aesthetic Realism, however, makes it clear that there is a desire to elevate oneself through lessening others.
And this contempt is the central cause of racism. Whether we see the world with respect or contempt is key to how we see all other people; in fact, everything that exists. Without contempt there would have been no slavery, no KKK, no Nazism, no separating of little children from their mothers and fathers. The study of respect and contempt as taught by Aesthetic Realism is the study the world needs.
